School

SCHOOL

Is school really cool? Or is it not so cool? Hmmm, let me tell you my story why for me school is cool.

I don’t have too many credentials to prove why it is cool or why you should believe me and take this time to read… But, as we all know not all people across the globe has been fully blessed to be able to study from preschool to college, and some say you are already blessed if you manage to get in to High school and even graduate from it.

Grade 1… Yep, Grade 1, when I first graduated from preschool, I told myself can I go home now? Uh, no really, can I stop waking early in the morning now and just not wake up to be able to continue my good sleep? (I don’t know if you guys have some exact experience as mine but, reminiscing the past sure is funny when you remember yourself back then when you just think, act and dream like a child).

Grade 5… The year I started to have failing marks… I sure do have a lot… especially math (oooooh the horror!) okay okay that was too freaky or just too annoying. I got this experience to one of my cousin who just stopped going to school by just saying “I don’t want to go to school anymore!” it gave me some hope that maybe I too can have the opportunity to quit too. But, I never got the chance to say it. My brother is also pissed about my grades back then and it is a trouble for him to go to my school and get my class card with a lot of red-failed-marks. And the only subjects I pass where Science and P.E (well that was a relief… and at least been saved too much of embarrassment). I was a class officer back then (accidentally) for being discovered of being disciplined and quiet, so it is a lot more embarrassing for my class adviser to see these red marks of mine. And, because my teacher is a very nice teacher, merciful teacher and he did not want to waste my year of repeating the year of grade 5, so he let me go to the next stage.

Oh yeah I don’t know if this is even relevant, at an early age I know how to buy and sell and make some cash… (Maybe one of the reason I don’t study much??? I don’t know…)

Grade 6… I started to enjoy school, but I really have difficulties in English and math…. Until our math teacher were replaced for a leave (I don’t know the exact reasons, it is out of the topic anyways) we met this really cool teacher who use to teach in our school. (Honestly my school is not that prestige unlike the other Chinese school in the Philippines, but it did help me for who I am today. Be proud!) My elementary teacher who then had been transferred to the High school department when we graduated where I owe him so much that I had a good foundation in mathematics. Math became so fun… especially in high school…

In Primary or in Elementary or the rest in your life you will get some peer pressures. And these pressures I have experienced of getting used by my “friends”. They go with me not because I’m fun to be with, but simply I got money. But I think now they have matured already and been able to define right from wrong. And as for me, I have been more aware to my surroundings and be able to get matured (not all, but at least at most).

School, it’s been a tough world for me, I got no father to lean on… everyone is busy, no time for me, my siblings where all grown-ups and here I am a kid who don’t have a lot to lean on.

High school, during high school certainly you will be a little bit matured and might even “fantasized” your dream guy or girl at this age. It is fun, at school you get to experience how to have a crush or even have puppy love (Not matured love? Or just “you think its love but it’s not –yet”).

During High school there will be chances for more involvement in life or influences that can determine you for the future (It might be college). Because of the poor information we got in our high school years and I too have some responsibility on my side because I didn’t intend to research for the future or frankly saying information back then were insufficient (In the Philippines 2003-2007 computers aren’t even as famous as today), and sadly my parents and siblings weren’t there for me during those times that I needed some support (lucky are you when you got the blessing for the information for the support by your peers at home).

In high school, you will be developed for the best of you can be for the future (again, it might be college). It takes good influences too, support, friends, teachers/mentors, advisers, etc… and especially God.

Also in high school, you will get to have an experience of maybe having a crush, or someone you like and if that happens that he/she didn’t like you back (well there is two…) it’s either it will become a positive side or a negative side, lucky for me, the person whom my crush likes the valedictorian of their class. And as for me, it turned out pretty cool (for me) during my sophomore. I really like that guy that’s why I wake up early in the morning (as early as possible) to go to school (and it’s like 6:00 am – 6:30 in the morning?) erase the writings in the board, clean it all up, took the initiative to write the things in the board (important reminders, date, next appointed to clean, etc…) I also joined the track and field (I love to run… and that guy use to say He runs and love sports), maybe if I get myself to the track team he will get to notice me. (So what happened next...?) He did notice me, but he was too anxious of it, he really gets mad at me because I sign him up to the track team too (and, I know you’re going to say “FAIL”… IT IS…) so he has no choice but to run as well and after few trainings he quitted and found myself enjoying everyday trainings and slowly getting good at it too. I also joined the Choir, for the passion of singing even though I was really hesitant and afraid to join, so I talked to the choir master (after a long breathe, thinking and the BIGGEST push to myself) and she told me the schedule for the audition. This is also the year I have been failing one of my Chinese class and no one is participating the Chinese singing contest (People, don’t do this at home even at school…) and suddenly it gave me a push to say “Laoshi (teacher) let me join the contest… but pass me for the final exam instead!” it gave her a shock really, I think maybe because I was disrespectful (I don’t even know if it is courage)… and after that I was “what did I just said???”. My crush then saw me at the stage, I was really really shaking, but I was so proud at the same time to make an appearance even though I didn’t won a thing. It’s been the last year for him in high school, and I’m still doing my best for him to notice me. This is also the battle for my English academic class, running for honors (IT IS ONE TOUGH COMPETION I TELL YOU!) Oh yeah, I did fix myself, make my hair long and brush it like everyday (I use to only brush it in the morning after bath. Creepy huh!), and there was this guidance counselor of ours the adviser to one of the clubs I also joined (a club that can help you be a good leader, get outside the box and my most favorite is helping people [charity work], the rotary club for youth [interact club]), she is the project head for the prom night too. And, the prom is getting near; I heard a lot of stories too from my classmate in the Chinese class about the key to get in the Prom “freshman and sophomores aren’t allowed in the prom night”. So what she told me is I need to get close our guidance counselor (freaky… not even my thing I was so shy and sometimes hesitant) and one time I did get my chance to talk to her that if she needs an usher or an usherette for the prom night, I volunteer myself and I am free at that night. I also told her that I am curious too and I do have a lot of dresses to use for the night…. --BINGO! If it weren’t for my friend who is a junior at that time I wouldn’t possibly get in. THANK YOU!

BUT HEY, because I’m shy and being hesitant, I didn’t have the chance to dance with that crush of mine… I ended up crying out of envy that he and his crush were dancing (Oh, this is so childish but you can’t blame me, I’m hurt and was really jealous... a little bit martyr on the side…) didn’t know all along that he do want to have a dance with me… (waaaaaaaaaaa, the chance!) And up to there is no more chance because it’s time to go home (12 midnight, feels like Cinderella?).

Then it was me again, and he broke my heart saying that he has someone that he likes and I did cried a lot.

So I focused and find myself able to graduate high school with the help of the Lord.

I manage to be in the Top 5 (it’s hard!), I also manage to be the best female athlete of the year (oh yeah, the memories of winning and having an injury after the race – ended overjoyed of winning I JUMPED! Poof… fails, naah it didn’t became coco crunch but it did failed haha!), and many more. Again I wasn’t informed about college well and it is still again my responsibility, I should have been much aware for the things I really wanted! (I wanted to take medicine, but didn’t know how. So I ended up writing my parents decision). I usually look to other people and compare myself! NOW THAT’S NOT RIGHT! (And again, without proper supervision for your children, they might take the wrong roads in life… and luckily I got GOD so He did save me for not being too far away in the track of life)

"Life is full of happenings and surprises that is why you should prioritize the things that you think most needed.. "

Next, Hello COLLEGE!!! Tip: CHOOSE YOUR COLLEGE VERY VERY WELL. It will be your greatest investment and that institute will shape you to the very first day you entered to the very last day you graduated. Make a priority list, from the things that institute is best to your chosen college picks.

It wasn’t easy to pass the exam! I tell you it’s hard. I wasn’t able to go to the school I want (that prestige school where Chinese people enrolled in). I ended up weeping and weeping… But I was so immature that time that I didn’t even take to ask the Lord “What do you want me to learn?” and “What are your plans”. I ended up to the second school of my choice and applied to, it is one of the best school here in the Philippines, it very beautiful school I felt like I’m in Europe. Again, I failed the exams, later I know the things that my parents chose has a quota-course. But, instead of going home empty handed, they had given me lists of programs I qualified from the results of the exam. I push through, and it took me to a long line because it is first-come-first-serve and you need to be very early to get into the line. Good thing, I brought the documents for applying. And there is some crazy idea that I want to study in this school, because I dreamt to be in the Philippine Team, I want to join the track and field team (I always saw them on TV, Including other schools too, and I told myself maybe someday I will be that Athlete I usually saw on TV). And, when I got home I ended up making stories (to hide myself) that I want this computer course, and during these times of the struggle while everything and the environment for me is new, I sometimes have this doubts. The doubts that let me think if God is real, the doubts that I am not really good at studying, the beliefs of having the fear of school –but in reality there is one teacher I don’t really like, because I always get annoyed and she is not an effective teacher for me… Again, it is my responsibility; I should have studied on my own… even if we usually got a load of 24-30 units a SEM. Everything is going wrong, everything is going not according to plan… I didn’t able to get to the track and field team not because I am not capable of; I decline while I was going to get in soon.

"Later did I understand I don't have a purpose in life, I just wake up everyday and eat and go to school with no meaning at all."

For one question: “What am I doing at school anyway?” My answer is “to study”, so I did. I thought at first an Information Technology program in the Faculty of Engineering is “EASY”, “yeah…. RIGHT!”… But noooooooo….. I ate it all!!! For all these foundation of mine in High school I thought math is easy, well it did in some ways but noooo I just have to learn it again… and about… That…. Makes…. Me…. Nuts…. Every….Day…. WARNING…. “HELLO WORLD!” YEHEY IT WORKED!!! NOT!!! Because it is the START OF EVERYTHING! The Start of EVERY pain, problems and difficulty of the THINGs in my life! (OH NO!). Well, one thing is for sure, I cannot do it all without my friends! :) I enjoyed college because of them, the crying, success and be together during academic times, meals and as an officer in the IT Organization.

Again,good influence people,good influence friends... very good influential people and friends (DON’T KILL ME IF YOU READ THIS…. WAAAAAAAAAAA… see you guys in the Races! =p )… (Well you hold and know your life better than anyone else, and this is just me, and I’m not use to large groups).

Crying and thinking about to shift or not to shift to fine arts… My professors encourage me to fight… and my friends are there to give me a boost… and some did say, I started this battle, why not finish it to the last, it’s hard but I managed to graduate college though it became so bloody. I work hard with the help of my friends, thesis mates and our team in the organization… especially God.

You know it's harder than I thought... It's hard to study college, but it is very fulfilling... You will meet a lot of people, give you things that you can't learn inside the four-cornered-room, appreciate them, love them... because you may not know you may found your friends...

Be open for new learning, don't stop... College is hard, Dealing with your classmate or colleague is hard, your studies is hard and getting harder through various subject, different requirement and focus and different projects... and that isn't alone, you may also encounter problems outside the school. But what can you do to change? You can start anywhere, and learn... it's hard at first, you may seem to quit but everything starts there.

Know what, I became angry at Him and turned my back against him. And because of the problems I usually encounter as a student, as a daughter, sister and problems in love. Well most of my problems were handling disappointments whenever I get to study hard and get a really low score. You see, my parents have high expectations to me, as Chinese they usually say “HONOR TO OUR FAMILY or GOOD NAME TO OUR FAMILY” even though in reality I am not happy myself. This is my decision too. I was very blessed that I had the chance to study while others don’t have this kind of blessings. And that is life right? You won’t know you’re alive and you’re capable of doing unless you experienced some difficulty and learn from it. You also won’t learn things unless you are challenged. When you experienced heart aches, difficulty and problems remember it is a challenge for you if you can go to the next stage or remain and learn. But the good thing about it is, you will be wiser for the second time around. Now that is something to be happy about, you learned and charged it to experience!

I thanked the people who walked into my life, my friends, my teachers, my family, and all of the people I met.... And through the teaching of our university that had shaped me well, for without the foundation of our school I may be too arrogant till now. Today, I am proud to say, I am "humble" not too much, because you might not believe me. haha... peace! ^__^v Also, during my college days, I learned to be CONTENTED.... how? well... read more I guess. :) (some thing weren't given to us so that we can be disciplined and not to boast and be arrogant).

Without everything you just experience, life has no purpose.

God walked into my life and open the doors for me for greater opportunity –the opportunity to be saved. (I don’t know if it is my chance or by fate but…) When I was out to buy my painting materials, I accidentally nudge the book as I passed by the counter to pay my bills. And there, the freaky thing is, there is this question on my mind throughout the day and that is one of my problems. I took the book and read it, because the cover is really beautiful but strange. The first thing I read about when I flipped it somewhere the pages near the middle and I was really shocked how the book knew my struggles. And I looked into the title page again and saw my painting, and just another curious-kid I read it in front, it says something about not an accident that you are holding this book. That book is Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life. Read it, and then you’ll know more about your purpose and your life.

This is my very own experiences. Some say I was blessed, some say I’m not, some say they envy my life and some say my life sucks. But this is my life and in everyday journey we have our own problems and stories. Might be in a different scenario and story but the problem is just the same to how we are capable of and what we entered in our life. It is best to be just thankful on what we have, especially when you are reading this whether from your computer then you are very blessed enough.

Through my Journey, God had guided me with all my everything, my professors, teachers and mentors have all guided me and taught me a lot… My friends, sometimes we screwed up, but look, they stayed. Had fall in love, been happy and got my heart broken over and over. Had almost lost my faith in life, had been merely criticize and put me down by my own mother, still family is family. Struggling alone when no one is supporting at home is hard and not gaining independence too. But life is a cycle, sometimes you’re up and you’re down, the important thing is how you reacted, fought it and deal with it. Did you get angry or dealt with it through positivity? One important I know is, by being yourself and learns from your mistakes because YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN, YOU GET MISTAKES, now it is now your job how to HANDLE IT. If you have some goals or dreams, get your dream and start there. PERIOD! No matter what people tell you, no matter people let you down, you hold your own destiny and decision. You may not handle everything and sometimes there are things you can’t handle in life, TRUST GOD AND LIVE IT ALL TO GOD.

There is one life and that One life is yours to create.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. -Deuteronomy 31:6

Most of the person who didn't able to graduate or didn’t get the chance to graduate they say life would be much easier if they have graduated and have a more decent job or in short they want an easy access to money making. Let me tell you, whether you didn’t get the chance to graduate whether it is Elementary, High school or College, the important thing is to continuously have an open mind and seek for learning.

I did think of quitting school, but if I were on your shoes, what if you quitted do you think you will be able to graduate? Well, I think, life’s battle is not about school or the degree that you hold; it is your perseverance, patience and faith that has been tested. And, it is not about the school, it is about you on how you handle your goal and vision in life.

Many of the people I usually talked with told me that they quitted school because of they are lazy to wake up every morning and is not happy anymore at school, but now look at them, how they regretted that they even not pursue their college. Different people, different stories, same pain…

As an average student and most student who had a difficulty in studying (if not given the chance to quit) will eventually be happy and get use to studying and eventually might find themselves in the long run when they reach their comfort zone.

That is only my opinion, but again, it is you who hold your life. Having this kind of opportunity or chance when you can able to graduate is a choice. And, for me, studying or learning is not about getting a degree, getting to impress people or for your rank but honestly learning a lot and knowing is a gateway for OPTIONS.

And once you know a lot, you will get to understand life better for different point of view and angle.

I am once a failure, I’m still who I am… but I’m stronger now…

A lot of people believed in me when times I don’t believe in myself, and knowing that this is something positive they believe for me, then why can’t I believe in myself too? Sometimes as a person we need sympathy, especially when we are down and then those who are really true to you will help you get you up, push you up even if they are really busy with their own problems… (See the small things now? They are blessings usually in disguise and most of the time we won’t appreciate –until its gone). Problems? You aren't alone!

People believe in you because they know you can even if some others don’t, that became an influence for you not to believe in yourself.

I don’t know all the keys to success, but one key to failure is to try to please anyone else.

Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction, and events without reason. Without a purpose, life is trivial, petty and pointless…

In life, it doesn’t matter whether we come from different worlds… we’re always been comparing ourselves to other people... In fact they are human too, who makes mistake, fails and Succeed.

Believe in yourself, be you!

Let’s look for a tomorrow that is better than today!

Don’t disappoint the people who believe in you!

FIGHT!

If you don’t act, nothing will start

And one more thing, “THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN ANY OF THIS!” Why? “Because this life is a preparation for the next!” “Life is only temporary!”

The joy and sadness you have now will be gone too, and what you are experiencing right now whether you are happy or not, it is only temporary… Everything here is temporary…

But, if you start now, you might change it for eternity.

You know who you are and what you are capable of doing.

I dont know your experiences guys, but this is mine... Care to tell some of your stories in the comment box. I LOVE READING YOUR COMMENTS AND EMAILS!

GOD BLESS YOU!

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
-Romans 5:3-5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes;fear the LORD and shun evil. -Proverbs 3:5-7

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.
-Thomas A. Edison

______________________________

Is School really cool?

So why did you entered school?

In life, it doesn’t matter whether we come from different worlds… we’re always been comparing ourselves to other people..

Believe in yourself, be you!

Let’s look for a tomorrow that is better than today!

Don’t disappoint the people who believe in you!

If you don’t act, nothing will start

-Cassiopeia Ting

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YOU

When there are times when you feel you’re alone

When there are times when you feel your reason to stay

When there you are roaming along the side of the river

Thinking if there is such thing as we called end

There are a lot of things that needs to be done

There is a lot of reason for it to be done

Yet we find ourselves not finishing the task

For some reason, we find ourselves thinking

Thinking…

Not thinking about what the next plan for the work

But thinking about something that bugs us within the day

For one reason, we must keep going

Why?

Why? Is that a question? Ok... it is…

We must keep going because there are a lot of things that we can use of the time we use in just thinking

Thinking…

May not be the best solution.. but it helps…

One of the reasons why we think long is because what we feel inside

Some of the reason why we think long it’s because of trauma, fear or judgment

But listen to this my friend, you may find yourself thinking outside outer space

But believe me you’ll just end up wasting your time thinking and thinking over and over again…

Thinking can be a good plan at first, but thinking for too long isn’t good anymore

Thinking may be good, but think fast… what matters most is what we do in action not just by dreaming out as if there is no tomorrow or like having the problem like there is no tomorrow

There is… God made “tomorrow” so that if we lose today, we can have a chance to prove ourselves tomorrow and fight once again

But, please consider that expecting there is goodness in tomorrow isn’t the right way to deal in what you are thinking today…

Why?

Yes, you got it right... You thought it right.

See the bigger picture now? What matters most is what you did best, what YOU DID, what you have put action to it, what you consider it done and the like.

What matters most is that you are being you…

What matters most is that you are true to your heart, true to yourself and you are true to Him.

What matters most is what you did best…

What matters most is what you and your soul are happy about

What matters most is what you believe…

Believe what you can do.

Believe that you can do it

Believe that, in every problem there’s an equal solution and answer

Else, void and don’t answer

Simple?

Then, How can you put yourself in that kind of situation?

If it’s not

Who says life is easy or simple?

You just have to be your best… after all no one comes out of this world… alive.

Be your best, be yourself, and be true to yourself

EVERYTHING HAS A PURPOSE...

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...

_________________________________

Note: written on February 8, 2010

When You Are Worth Alive Part III

When you are worth Alive

Part III

Do you love someone?

Ever thought of letting that person go?

Ever thought of letting the person go, because you really love that person?

And because you love that person you want to let him/her go to see that person happy?

Have you ever consider dying or living?

What do you consider most?

If you choose to die rather than live,

What will be the possibilities that you should have live than die?

Well…

In this world, there were many problems that are inevitable.

(Yet, I might say, you are not alone)

Some might have the answer and some might not have.

When you love, you became selfish or selfless…

When you love unselfishly you give and give and give,

And you think of yourself less.

Repentance might understood in the end of the line,

But have you thought of fighting when you still have the chance?

Have you thought of believing that when you love someone,

It is possible to make the impossible possible?

Yeah,but…

Yeah, but…

What?!!!

When you have the chances grab it while you can!

Do you know how far between two people when they turned their backs to each other?

You need to travel around the world just to meet with that person again.

Do you know that when you miss the chance to fix your relationship you might not have a second chance?

Since on the other side might think you have given up?

Grab the chance while you can.

In a relationship, it is always a two way part not a one way…

In love, it is normal to have problems and conflicts…

Be thankful in a way, because this is part of the formula to make you and your partner stronger and as well as your relationship.

Be thankful in a way, for because of conflicts you understand and knew each other more.

And since a relationship is a two way part, you won’t be alone solving it

If and only if you LOVE each other.

Don’t waste time… That person might be waiting for you…

Make up your mind!

If you are seriously love this person, BE BRAVE AND FIGHT!

Yeah,but…

Again?

Never were more fatal words spoken.

Yeah, but… what about me?

Yeah, but... what about money?

Yeah, but… what about… Yeah… but…

DAMN! MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!

If you are seriously serious about your relationship

FIGHT!

You know what,

“Yeah, but…” is pernicious. Because it makes it sound like we have the best of intentions when really we are just too scared to do what we should.

It allows us to be cowards, while sounding noble.

If you can’t make up your mind,

Follow your heart’s desires.

Follow what will make you happy…

Have you thought of leaving? Will leaving make you happy? Will it solve anything?

Will it make you alive?

Life is all about love…

Love is so powerful that it can even turn the impossible possible!

Mother Teresa said, "It's not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters."

BELIEVE!!!

You are not alone!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

At least you know, You aren’t in this journey alone…

Are you happy with the one you love?

Then what are you waiting for?

Do not let go of the things that you cannot see other people are holding…

If you let go, don’t tell me you just needed a break…

Coz, if you love someone you will fight, believe and understand.

That goes on the other side…

People might be matured or immature,

Some people might want the answer they want to hear…

I think immature people just haven’t grown up to the same level you have grown right now…

Give them time and a chance… they are doing their best.

You are once like them, understand…

Forgive…

Ok…. Don’t give me another “YEAH, BUT…”

Make up your mind or you will lose the one that makes you happy…

Believe…

Anything is possible if you love, believe/hope and remain the faith…

What more if you do it together…

Don’t lose hope…

IF there’s a will there’s a way!

“It's not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters.” –Mother Theresa

“If you can dream it, you can do it!”

–Walt Disney

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

-Matthew 7:7

"If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, You are right.”

-Henry Ford

No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. 1Cor.13:3b

Only you can decide… You have a choice…

What’s holding you back?

Priceless

Whenever you are too faraway

I always remember what we have and smile

These precious memories

Those priceless smiles

Those simple little things that made us laugh

Are so precious to me and make me realize I'm smiling and laughing...

Together, my life shines so bright

That I never thought my darkest night

Would light so bright

That I could never ask for more

Since when I met you

You completed my incompleteness...

Here in my Life...

Life without you is so meaningless...

Without you there will never be me...

You are my energy....

My Vitamins...

And my whole being...

You are my world...

You completed me...

I will breathe for you each day...

I will listen to you everyday...

I will always understand you in all the way...

I will be with you in your entire journey...

I will be the one who will love you forever...

I will always remember that there will be someone like You

Who completed me in my everything and

Completed me in my imperfections...

To me, you are the one and

To me, you will always have a place in my heart!

You so precious

You are so unique

You are so lovely

You are one of a kind...

To me,

You are my everything...

I will always understand you...

Because I know I am the only person who can understand you...

I am your other half...

I am proud to say that!

And I will always be proud...

Because I HAVE YOU!

AND I LOVE YOU SO!

I will always take care of you!

I want you to know that you mean so much to me!

You are important to me!

I appreciate everything big or small...

To me, everything is so precious...

YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS TO ME!

You know what,

What I appreciate most is your time...

Thank you!

Because, that is the most precious gift you could ever give...

To me...

I LOVE YOU!

Whenever things had gone rocky,

You’re always here…

How I appreciate it so much...

Wanna know why?

Because, knowing that you’re there for me it makes me smile!

Knowing you’re here with me makes HAPPY!

THANK YOU!!!

Please let me say THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH!

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

In every battle, remember always that you are not alone...

WE CAN DO IT!

TOGETHER WE CAN!

WE HAVE GOD ON OUR SIDE!!!

HE IS WITH US!

TOGETHER WE CAN!

Nothing is impossible as long as we believe!

Believe that we can do it!!!

IM ALWAYS HERE!!!

REMEMBER THAT!

I WILL BE WITH YOU IN YOUR ENTIRE JOURNEY!

Don't be sad...

I am with you...

Whenever you get sad and feel alone,

Close your eyes and feel your heart...

I am here with you!

I LOVE YOU!

The sound of Home

I closed my eyes

And listened

There was a sound

The sound that makes me always happy…

And it is very familiar to me…

I listened closely and confirmed the sound

Then I heard YOU…

The person whom I really love…

The sweet voice,

The voice of the most important person in my life…

The sound of home…

That when I hear and listen to it,

I feel wherever I am I feel love…

I feel warmth…

I feel so secure…

It’s like you are here by my side…

And I know,

I will be seeing you again soon…

Soon

Very soon

Wait for me I’ll be back

I closed my eyes and listened again…

I FOUND YOU…

…here in my heart

I LOVE YOU!

A Diary to The End

A Diary to The End

July 21, 2011

Dear Diary,

Roses are red… violets are blue… why did I smell flowers here in the hospital room?

Cold as ice and rhythms are sounds… Why do I feel like someone is calling me?

Then I opened my eyes slowly… I saw… YOU…

I wondered why you are here, then I asked you the question then you told me because I am here.

The fragrance and smell of the flowers are true proof that I am not dreaming and I am still alive and be able to see you again…

I asked and wondered why, and you told me again, “I am here because you are here… I will stay by your side from now on…”

You added, “I am so stupid of not knowing that you are always here with me, whenever I needed you.. I almost forgot all the things we had together, our memories, our laughter together and our… Love…”

I cried in tears not because I was sad or dramatic… But I was so happy that you finally realize my worth…

And…

As I listened to you, I check all the surroundings and I saw my mom, my dad and my sister’s look while you were talking… there’s something different… And as I look into my mother’s eyes, I have a hunch that you already know the reality that was happening to me.

That my brain tumor is killing me slowly…The reality that supposed not to be told to you…

You know what, I was really really happy today… But, It seems that you know it already that I got One Month left to live…

As you talk… I held your hand and suddenly tears fall into my eyes as I say, “Jeron, everything will be alright Ok? Smile! Everything will be ok... Everything will be alright! Smile!” then, you shed a tear and hug me… I was so shocked and couldn’t resist myself not to hug you back… then you told me… “I love you Cleo, please don’t leave… You have to live… You have to live!” And I smiled back and say “Let God’s will be done” then you just hugged me tight as if I was about to die and as if it were the last…

But… the joy didn’t last after 5mins; someone rushed and knocks at the door.

Jane came and rushes in to you with so much breathe intake, and I realize you are sweating all along, and is it because you rushed all the way here after you found out that I got my last chemotherapy awhile ago? And you came rushing here while you are with Jane…

Its ok Jeron, I really wish you and Jane will be happy now…

I have forgiven you and Jane.. So Smile Ok? :)

Jeron, Thank you so much!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU! I am very happy because you told me that you love me for one last time… My heart hurts, because I am very jealous when I see both of you, but I am quite happy at the same time since I know there will be a girl who will be with you, take care of you from the day I will leave and join my creator. I have forgiven you… Thank you for staying with me today… Our God have answered my prayers!!! I’m SO HAPPY!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 22, 2011

I was really shocked that the moment I opened my eyes and you were the first person I saw this morning…

My sister told me everything last night…

She told me, the moment I collapsed after my daily walk yesterday morning I was brought to the emergency room and she called you as soon as she was told by the doctor that I got less than a month to live. And it happened so fast that the doctor had thought that I supposed to live with minimum of 3months to a maximum of a year and if God is willing, he can spare my life if I am willing to go to America to have a brain surgery from the latest technology created… But the doctor told my sister if I decided to go on the procedure, I only got 15% chance to live since my brain tumor had already scattered and I really need a miracle to live. I just remembered why I told them I don’t want to go to America…

My only reason is that…

… I do not wish to forget you.

I will fight to my very last breath; I will fight ‘till I can still remember you… How much I love you… How much I can do… to remember you… You are my vitamin, my strength and my hope… Please don’t take away my precious memories remaining with you… I couldn’t spare… I don’t care if I die, as long as I will remember you ‘till the very last! I wish I could live more and be able to be with you as long and remember you… But, you know, you got your own path now… There is no more sense for me to be around. I just want you to be happy… so I smiled at you and told you again this morning, “SMILE, Everything will be alright!” and you smiled and told me, “I will” then you kissed my forehead.

But then, I asked you why Jane isn’t around and you told me you had broken up with her yesterday, because you realized how important I was to you and you could't bare to see me getting hurt; that you suddenly remembered all the precious memories we have in the past… the whole 3 years we have been together up to this date. And then with my heart’s content as I took a deep breath I say, "THANK YOU! (You still remembered…)" with a smile!

Quote: “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back. -Harvey MacKay”

“You need to take care of yourself from now on… You must live your life to the fullest… Smile because you have all the time to be happy! Don’t waste it!”

~~~~Time and days had passed… you were with me…

Know what? It’s been 2 weeks already, And I am very happy to see you everyday! From the moment I close my eyes, to the very first sunshine that kissed my cheek and as I opened my eyes to see you!

You took care of me together with my family, you help me walk each and everyday, I am so happy!

But…

(Sorry, I felt a little bit dizzy.. I should stop writing now… maybe I’ll continue writing later...)

:) SMILE!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dear God,

My Sister collapsed and was rushed to the emergency room and as we know it is already too late…

I will give this diary to Jeron since my sister really put an effort to finish this diary up to her very last…

God, do you hear me? Do you listen to me now? Please take care of my sister. I am really scared…

My mom fainted to the very last drop she cried when she saw Cleo collapsed… God, I don’t know what to say or what to write. I don’t have much left to say and energy to write, but I know you always understand and you are always here for us and especially for Cleo. God, Let your will be done…

From now on, you do what you have to do with my precious little sister Cleo. Save her… and if not, take her with you for I know she will always be happy with you…

Father, thank you because you granted her last wish to see him and stayed for her to the moment she loses her breath…

And we will always remember her last words to the moment she is catching her breath to the very last stand she have: “Smile, God is Here and always be…”

God? THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! WE LOVE YOU!

Please take care of Cleo for us…

My letter ends here...

-Catherine